Archive for category Humor
Strange talk
Posted by FuzzyGamer in Humor, Random on 2009/04/21
The Man: we’re both good people, we’ve paid our dues to our fellow man… we deserve some serious action.
Me: hahaha
The Man: I think we need to fly wingman for each other
Me: yeah, we should try that one of these days
The Man: indeed
I could visit Seattle, we could go to a local internet gaming cafe… score us some honies, and go back to your place.
perfect
Me: that sounds crazy enough to work!
My somnambulism
Posted by FuzzyGamer in Humor, Random on 2009/04/10
I sleepwalk. Have been doing this for years. At least a decade, probably more. For the most part (or so I’m told) I just walk around or sit up in bed and talk.
My college room-mate said that once, as he was up late studying playing WoW, I got up in bed, looked at him, said “cut off her toes” and went back to sleep. Gotta say, if it was me in his place, I’d pretty scared shitless. Either that, or laughing my ass off.
After a particularly scary, messed-up Russian movie, my parents noted that I was walking around the house (asleep, of course) mumbling something about a bomb. A bomb was a bit of a plot element from the movie.
A number of times I’ve woken up in the shower, supposing that I was getting ready for school, only to realize that it was still night and I was some 6 hours too early.
Today, I woke up to find myself completely dressed, trying to move the things out of my bedroom, as I was (for some damn reason) convinced that I had to vacate the room. Something to do with the last dream I had, I think. Damn sleepwalking!
Damn you XKCD!
Monday was spent getting better (sinus, cold, eye infection) and catching up on comics that I missed over 2.5 weeks. As such, I stumbled onto this little puppy, XKCD’s take on college-exam-nightmare (had to resize the comic for it to fit; for the original, click on the image):
This morning I woke up from this same damn nightmare! I was dreaming that I was taking some geography exam, a class that I obviously never attended and of course forgot about, and I was scared shitless that by failing this class I would not be able to graduate. Of course, not being able to graduate would mean that I would not be able to start my Microsoft job. That’s the second time in a week that I’ve woken up thinking I might be unemployed. Damn you XKCD!!
House MD, 4×15
Posted by FuzzyGamer in Humor, Pictures, Reviews, TV on 2008/05/13
This is, among other things, a review of the 15th episode of the 4th season of “House”.
Spoilers follow immediately after the jump.
Yet Another Lack of Posts
Posted by FuzzyGamer in Blog, Books, Games, Humor, Pictures, Random Thoughts, Religion, Reviews, Sci-Fi on 2008/05/11
Once again, a considerable amount of time has passed without a new post appearing in this space. But this time I have valid reasons! It’s even plural, as in there is more than one explanation for me dropping the ball on blogging once again.
The main reason (look, I even ranked them!) is that my right arm is in a splint, which translates to “no typing, no driving, no sushi, no gaming“. Man, that’s really harsh, since I love to do all of those. In short, it means that since this Monday I haven’t been working, blogging, driving myself or having sushi. I have come up with a way, of sorts, to play GTA IV, but it’s not a perfect solution that starts to hurt after a few hours, but it’s better than nothing.
All this spare time is damn ironic: I can come up with things to write about or stuff to do at work, but Ican’t actually do anything. Bah. I did manage to get some work done on Friday, but it was slow going. So here are a few things I can remember at this late hour.
PostSecret for May 11th
Aside from the usual commentary about the secrets (one to follow), I have my usually-negative commentary about PostSecret: I don’t like “themes”. It’s sort of boring to see a whole page of the same damn secret, over and over. Sure, there’s a bit of variety, but, for instance, most of this week’s secrets are “I wuv you mommy” or “I wuv my kids”. Big whoop. I’m not sure if all the secrets are so similar naturally, or if that ass-hat of a “blogger” specifically biases the collection for his own reasons.
I read about this a few weeks back and I gotta say, “what’s the big deal?” It’s just a woman who became a man, kept her reproductive organs and then decided to become pregnant (his wife is unable to have children). Big whoop. The guy went on Oprah and called this a miracle. Ha. It’s not a miracle, it just another (genetic) female giving birth. It happens every day. It’s not a miracle. Considering that the father is on hormones, it might be a miracle for the baby to turn out to be perfectly fine, but that’s about it. There’s nothing interesting about this.
To the author: (1) it’s your imaginary friend, you can come up with reasons for doing this, and (2) what do you care if a pseudo-man is pregnant?
To the author: chicken-shit.
GTA IV
I love cabs! Often times there are instances when I need to get from one end of an island to another, or even to a different island, so I simply jump into a cab, point the driver the right way and enjoy the ride. I use the time to admire the city, wonder at the great level of detail or make mission-related phone calls. Or, hell, just chill out and listen to some conservative gun-nut on the radio. It’s great.
But now, after just unlocking the second island, I stumbled onto something even cooler: helicopter tours! Now I can admire the city from above while listening to a right-wing, crack-pot tour guide who goes on about the downfall of society. How awesome is that? And since this is GTA, you can always finish your tour by pulling the guy out of the cockpit and beating him to death with a baseball bat. I haven’t done that yet, but it’s certainly on my mind.
Oh, and speaking of beating people to death: it seems you don’t actually kill most people in Liberty City. I can shoot up a pedestrian, but give them a minute or two and they’ll get up with the minimum amount of health and try to stumble away. Curious. Though that’s only for non-mission NPC’s: if you pop a cap in someone’s ass in the course of the story, they’re certifiable fish-bait.
Argh
Typing with only my left hand is a royal pain, not to mention it’s so gorram slow and error-prone, that I must call it a night. Perhaps sometime later I’ll write down some more of my rambling-like thoughts from this week, but don’t count on it.
Oh, I’ve also started reading “Snow Crash” and aside from being good cyberpunk (I wish “Neuromancer” was more like this), it’s a hilarious book loaded with great similes and LOL-worthy expressions and acronyms. A must-read! For those who read.
GTA IV and Tootsie
Posted by FuzzyGamer in Games, Humor, Reviews, Uncategorized, YouTube on 2008/05/02
In one of the more bizarre pairings, here’s GTA IV and Toosie, brought to you by Conan.
While we’re on the topic of GTA IV, and that’s a topic that I am constantly on, I am really loving this game.
I’m just learning to use the cover system and I have to say, it’s a welcome improvement from the older games in the series: it makes firefights more exciting and longer. Well, not so long, since the cops do show up in large numbers, but it’s still great.
I’m also enjoying the in-car free-aim mode. Whereas in the previous games you could only fire to the left or to the right of the car (without using a cheat), now there is a clear separation between where you’re driving and where you’re shooting. Last night I did a spectacular run from the cops where I reversed down the highway and shot at the police cars as they were pursuing me. I’m still horrible at aiming, but I did manage to shoot out the tires of one car and actually made it flip over!
Bear convicted…
Posted by FuzzyGamer in Humor, News on 2008/03/16
Bear convicted for theft of honey
The taste of honey was just too tempting for a bear in Macedonia, which repeatedly raided a beekeeper’s hives.
Now it has a criminal record after a court found it guilty of theft and criminal damage.
Hillarious stuff. I mean, how can it not be, when a story stars with “bear convicted”?
Thanks to Taty for pointing this out.
In the wake of Valentine's day
Posted by FuzzyGamer in Humor, Media, Random on 2008/02/15
Heard on the radio this morning:
America spent 17 billion dollars on Valentine’s Day yesterday. Which pales in comparison to what the guys who forgot about it are going to end up spending.
More Frazz goodness
Posted by FuzzyGamer in Comics, Humor, Pictures on 2008/02/10
Sunday editions of comics are often too complicated to attempt to fit into this 400-pixel-wide space, and I’m too lazy, so click this miniscule thumbnail (blame WordPress) to see the comic in all its glory.
Nerd humor
Posted by FuzzyGamer in Humor, Pictures, Work on 2008/02/08
Found these on a Microsoft mailing list.
I honestly have no idea what’s going on.
This one’s pretty self-explanatory, right?
What can I say, I’m a sucker for the occasional feline anthropomorphism.
Best goldfish joke
Posted by FuzzyGamer in Humor, Random on 2008/01/23
[From ComedyCentral RSS joke feed, though iGoogle]
Two goldfish were in their tank. One turns to the other and says, ‘You man the guns, I’ll drive.’
Futurama
Posted by FuzzyGamer in Humor, Reviews, Sci-Fi, TV on 2008/01/19
‘Futurama’ is my favorite “repeat-viewing” show. As in, it’s the show I can watch and watch again, and time after time I find something new to enjoy about it. Here’s a bullet-list:
- The show is written by nerds, so there is a ton of math, science and sci-fi references
- The show is incredibly detailed. The universe of ‘Futurama’ is a very large one, and yet through it all, the show stays quite consistent: most episodes reference previous (or even future) episodes and manage to showcase a large number of facets of the 31st century.
- A large number of jokes are “hidden”, be it in the backgrounds of scenes, subtle word-play or alien cyphers. Most episodes require repeat viewings to find every single joke the authors have scattered throughout the show.
- The show can be surprisingly touching (‘Jurasic Bark’), absolutely hilarious (‘Teenage Mutant Leela’s Hurdles’), “childish” in the way that makes you wish to once again by 12 (‘The Route of All Evil’), captivating with a great sci-fi plot (‘The Farnsworth Parabox’), mind-bending (‘The Sting’), time-travelling (‘Roswell That Ends Well’) and featuring absolutely delightful music numbers (‘The Devil’s Hands Are Idle Playthings’).
- Every time I watch an episode (thanks Cartoon Network and now Comedy Central), I go online and look up information for that episode on the Wikipedia. The articles there are quite comprehensive in terms of hidden/obscure jokes, continuity errors (there are surprisingly few) and relevant trivia information. I am continuously delighted by the level of geekiness which the writers aspire to, while at the same time feeling slightly sad that I get most of the jokes.
- I’ve already mentioned that the show has a lot of content for nerds, but here’s an example: in the episode ‘The Problem with Popplers’ (one of the greatest, IMO), Leela mentions that the “class M planet” on which they have landed will probably have “Roddenberries”. It’s OK, you can laugh, nobody’s looking.
- Do I need many reasons to love a sci-fi cartoon show?
Quotable nerds
Posted by FuzzyGamer in Humor, Quotes, Religion, Work on 2008/01/16
Some coworkers and I went to Building 36 for lunch.
Tad: I wonder who works here? They don’t look like devs… Lots of well-dressed people around here.
Discussion on the Atheist mailing list about Mike Huckabee’s comments: “[T]hat’s what we need to do — to amend the Constitution so it’s in God’s standards rather than try to change God’s standards so it lines up with some contemporary view.”
MB: Huckabee violated the Prime Directive of the Religious Right: “Never reveal that theocracy is your ultimate goal.”
GM: It’s hilarious even now to hear Christian conservatives voice their skepticism about Romney because of his wacky Mormon beliefs.
Boycott this Film!
Posted by FuzzyGamer in Humor, Religion, TV, YouTube on 2007/12/11
Much thanks to the Atheist mailing list for this little gem.
Worst joke of the week
Posted by FuzzyGamer in Humor, Quotes, Random, Work on 2007/12/04
As seen on the Microsoft official Lolcat discussion list:
A blonde was weed-eating her yard and accidentally cut off the tail of her cat which was hiding in the grass. She rushed her cat, along with the tail over to Wal-Mart!
Why Wal-Mart?
Wal-Mart is the largest retailer in the world.
Pondering
Posted by FuzzyGamer in Humor, Random Thoughts, TV on 2007/11/13
So, here’s a question: who watches the tapes made by the documentary crew of “The Office” (American version)? I mean, if someone from The Office actually saw what cameras see and what the other employees say, there’d be… I don’t know a word for it. But, think about it, the cameras see so much more than the characters do. The cameras saw Dwight and Angela making out and discussing their relationship, Jim completely in love with Pam from episode 1, everyone hating Michael, the countless times that Jim and Pam pranked, and continue to prank, Dwight, and everyone generally hating their jobs. Who watches it?! In the case of the UK version, we saw in the Christmas special that the public saw the tapes and were aware of the characters. But the characters were largely unaware of it. And in the case of David Brent, the one person who actually was aware of the show and watched it, he attributed the prejudice against his character to bad editing.
But, that’s just a minor complaint. “The Office” is a great show and I don’t particularly care that the documentary isn’t 100% real. There are other problems with that, such as camera angles and such, but, once again, in the face of good television, all is forgiven.
On a slightly different note, this new season of “The Office” isn’t on par with the previous three. OK, maybe only the previous two, as season one was barely a season and was struggling to establish itself. But, anyhow, the problem with this season is that a major source of plot, or at least the part of the plot we have all fallen in love with, namely the always-impossible relationship between Pam and Jim, is now a reality. Pam and Jim are what “The Office” is about. The entire show revolves around what these two characters have and what they can be, but never achieve. The constant on-edge tension of “is this the episode where Jim tells Pam how he feels?” is now gone, and with it we lost something special. It’s a new season of “Gilligan’s Island”, but the castaways have been rescued. It’s “24″ and nobody argues with Jack. It’s… OK, look, I’ve spent an hour trying to come up with a good example and I don’t have anything, so pretend I said something good and we’ll all be happy.
Anyway, this season of “The Office” is sort of a disappointment. Pam and Jim’s relationship was sort of quietly squeezed in in-between the stories about the rest of the gang. Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve never been particularly interested in seeing whether or not Michael can survive in the wilderness or if Andy can get to second base with Angela. I don’t care. I want to see the tension between Pam and Jim, and now that it’s gone, “The Office” is a step closer to that abyss, to being just like every other sitcom on TV: bland and brain-dead.
Just a few things
Posted by FuzzyGamer in Humor, Pictures, Random on 2007/11/12
Not much to say today, really. Make way for the bullet-list good ol’ paragraph format:
In reference to my last post – I really like the idea and am contemplating plagiarizing it. And here’s why. First of all, Piglet is damn adorable. Honestly, who doesn’t want to see a cute little pink pig travel around the world and get into shenanigans? There you have it, no one. Second, Piglet is an improvement over the usual pictures that people take when they go places: “Oh, and here’s Uncle Steve once again, posing in front of a monument, blocking most of the view and once again reminding the world that if you have such blue-tinted chicken-legs, it’s a good idea not to wear shorts. And here he is again…” At least with Piglet we get a break from having to look at the same group of idiots smiling and giving a thumbs up in the usual idiotic tourist way. Third, and this is one appeals to me quite a bit, Piglet can be the photographer’s alter ego, a sort of emotional proxy, and photo subject. About using Piglet as a photo subject instead of yourself: it can be quite hard to take a good self-portrait and you also risk committing the above-mentioned crime of narcissistically making every picture about yourself.
Last weekend I was taking pictures in Magnuson park and I met someone. I didn’t get a name or much personal information, so I’ll stick to calling the mystery guest Sam. So, there I am, taking pictures of the mountains across Lake Washington (facing east from Magnuson Park) and from an area across the water (I think it’s Kirkland) I see flashes of light. At first I think it’s headlights, blinkers or something else related to automobiles, but I quickly realize that the pattern isn’t quite as simple as a regular ON-OFF-ON-OFF sequence. OK, one theory down. Maybe it’s just some cloth waving in the wind and blocking a street lamp. Seems logical enough. But if that were the case, I’d expect to see the light dim when only half of it were covered, or something of the sort, but no, this light clearly comes on and off, it isn’t being covered up. Damn, one more theory down the tubes. And then it hits me: Morse code! Sure enough, there are two distinct styles of flashes, long and short. So, like the diligent geek that I am, I take out my Treo, Google for a Morse code translator, skip a few content-heavy sites and settle for something simple yet functional: Boy Scouts website. I translate the first series of flashes and get the following: “this is W9GFO CQ this is W9GFO here come back”. Real funny. A moment of inspiration washes over me: I remove the memory card from my camera and begin taking pictures with the flash on. Using this crude method, I start transmitting prime numbers across the lake. By the time I get to 13, the other light tells me to quit it. I guess they got the message. We then get chatting about sci-fi movies, specifically that it is a shame that so few are being produced, and whatever is actually made is largely crap or watered down to be easily-digestible by the masses. It’s quite an interesting discussion. Pretty soon I packed away the tripod and my camera and went home. I could have stayed and talked with Sam longer, but it was getting late, fairly cold, and… damn, I swear there was something else. Oh, right, right, I decided to leave just about the time I got the following message “V1agra 20 P1lls 100 mg 99.95 dolrs”. Damn spammers are everywhere!
Night.
PostSecret of November 11th
Yes, I’ve got comments on a few cards from this week’s PostSecret, but first off I have comments about PostSecret itself. In the past I’ve voiced some negative opinions about the blog, primarily over the lack of an archive and Frank’s annoying habit of deleting user-submitted comments about the week’s cards. All of that still stands, I’m still pissed about those issues. And I have one more to add to the mix: Frank just can’t stop plugging his books, can he? Every single week (or more often? I’m not sure, I don’t check the blog during the week.) he keeps putting up e-mails about how people find secrets someone left in the books. OK, we get it, people have secrets to share and stick them in your book, which is sort of appropriate, I guess. Do we need to hear about every Tom, Dick and Harry who’ve found a load of “bonus” secrets in their copy of the book? Argh.
Now, for a second complaint: PostSecret won the 2007 Bloggies award for “Weblog of the Year” (in addition to “Best Topical Weblog” and “Best Community Weblog”). I really don’t think PostSecret should have won that award, or have even been nominated for the category. Why? Well, a number of reasons, really. First, from a technical (or a somewhat objective) perspective, PostSecret barely qualifies as a blog: it is a single page, lacking distinct entries, is only updated once a week (with the exception of sporadic e-mailed comments), lacks a formal comment section, has no archive system to see previous entries. If the URL of the “blog” wasn’t http://postsecret.blogspot.com, it would be just another personal web-page. Whatever content the page does have is either submitted by the public or is advertisements for speaking events or merchandise. Frank doesn’t even create his own content, the content for the blog and the books come from the users, all Frank does is choose what goes online and what doesn’t. Compare PostSecret to LifeHacker: the latter has original content, archive system, comments, is updated on a regular basis, etc. Now that’s a real blog.
PostSecret is referred to as a community art project, and with that I have absolutely no qualms: it’s art, it’s produced by a large community, what more can you ask for?
OK, anyway, the rant part of the post is done with, now we can get to the analysis of this week’s secrets.
House put it best, “These cancer kids. Can’t put them all on a pedestal. It’s basic statistics. Some of them have got to be whiney little fraidy cats… If there’s not one yellow-belly in the whole group then being brave doesn’t have any meaning.” Simply being thrust into a horrific situation does not make a person brave.
Yes, the pastor is an idiot, but what is the term for a person who takes scientific advice from an asshole who says the world is 6,000 years old? Let’s hope no diabetic or TB patient listens to this mental giant.